Valentines Pressures - Or Not...?

Even before the first of us was considering packing away the Christmas decorations for yet another year the gift card retailers were availing us with visual reminders that Valentines Day was around the corner.

In a relationship? What thoughts does Valentines Day evoke in your mind?

"What should I buy her?" "I don't want her to think I'm a cheapskate?" "What did we do last year?" "When should we book the table?" "Will she be expecting a proposal half way up the Eiffel Tower?" "Will he tell me he loves me?" "Will he get the hint if I keep stopping outside the jewellers?" "Do I still want to be with him?"

But what is it really all about?

You could be forgiven for not knowing that Valentines Day is named after early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 500 AD. The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

You are, however, unlikely to be forgiven if you write your ex's name on the card!

If in a relationship, Valentines Day does permeate our subconscious mind and asks us to consider our partners in the relationship and our feelings towards them. "Does my heart still skip a beat when I think of him?" "If not, does that mean that I no longer love him?"

Valentines Day does offer us a great opportunity to cast our minds back to when the relationship first began.

Did we both consider what we actually wanted from the relationship at outset? If so, did we share those thoughts with each other at the time? Have we both consciously made an effort to strive towards what we wanted from the relationship? Have our aspirations changed as the relationship and our lives have moved on? How do we know that we our relationship is actually working?

Relationships are no different from other areas of our lives in which we seek fulfillment. We identify what is that we want (a goal) and we strive towards achieving that goal.

By listening and asking you questions which help you to consider what you want, by when, and what success will look and feel like, a coach has helped you to take the first steps towards fulfillment. A good coach will go on to ask you to consider how you will go about reviewing your progress towards your goals, as the journey is not always a smooth one and you may want to feel like you are making it alone. Your coach will be happy to support you along the way, but your coach will not be doing his/her job properly if a dependency relationship has been created.

Relationships can bring us many joyous moments however, like many things in life, they are not always easy, and they need to be worked at.

It is therefore worth considering that if we didn't know what we wanted when we started out in the relationship then what are we working towards?

Happy Valentines Day,

Martyn Ellis,
Life and Business Coach
Email - ellis_m3@sky.com
Mob - 07875 188467