Its Tough Being Single at Christmas

It is tough for many being single at Christmas
Says Maureen Fearon, love Guru.

“With a passion for single people working towards dream relationships, I know what pain Christmas can cause. So let’s look at what happens to make it so tough?

Christmas is a time of gatherings. Family and friends that maybe you don’t see often (and some you don’t like!) will be asking for updates and talking like a judge at the end of a trial, summarising and concluding! Yes they don’t want to hear the details of what has gone on, for example (real life examples from clients):
 So you have dated 4 guys and you are still single
 So you single again!
 It’s a shame, you still haven’t found anyone
 And there are so many fish in the sea yet you can’t catch one
 Another year passes and you’re not getting any younger, its worrying isn’t it!
 And there’s nothing really wrong with you yet you haven’t got a girlfriend or boyfriend again!
 It must be hard being all alone at Christmas
 Here is the family’s sad singleton!
 It’s no wonder you are single, you don’t suit that extra weight!

These statements were said by people who care and did not have any intention of causing hurt, but it can still hit the heart!

So what can we do about it?

First look at what normally happens to cause you upset, feeling alone or uncomfortable and plan for it to be different. Most people don’t realise how upsetting they are because no one tells them. Prepare responses with people who normally say unhelpful things. You can look into hypnotic language for this if you want to be really skilful and make it fun, but in the meantime here are two options:
1. Auntie (Foi, Masi or Kaki), you’re not going to mention my love life and upset me this year are you?
2. Uncle (Fuji, Masa or Kaka), when you said xxxx it really hurt and upset me, what was it you intended to do?...........they will probably be mortified that they have upset you. “So you will avoid any reference to my love life wont you?”

They both work. It’s best to rehearse these conversations so they come easy to you if you need to use them.

The joy of being in love and sharing a fulfilling life is priceless. Use Christmas time as an opportunity to plan your success in finding love.

So, where to start? Well, like planning an adventure, there needs to be a goal and a plan of action. Step one, most importantly YOU! The more we understand ourselves the more we know what makes us happy.
Christmas is an ideal time to consult with a coach (a friend or a professional coach) or therapist to get you on the right road. Aim to build the best you and have support through the potential challenges of the dating journey– e.g.

• Overcome the baggage that happens to us all – understand it, disarm it.
• Rebuild confidence. (People like people with good confidence. Bullies and control freaks like people with low confidence as they are easier to manipulate)
• Identify the right partner for you
• Write a true, attractive internet profile.
(Pictures should show your most attractive look. (Get a friend or your coach to help you)
• How can I improve my communication with potential partners (more complicated that we imagine)
• Deal with rejection – The fear of rejection is the biggest stopper to finding love! The hurt people have from past relationships can damage future relationships and cause emotional problems
• Understand the changes in the cycle of relationships
• Focus on what is best for you
• Learn the skills of flirting – there are so many benefits
• Dream! There are many benefits to dreaming (we don’t have time to go into it here-trust me on this and just try it.)

Plan to make the journey to being in love enjoyable and successful. Planning it at Christmas time can bring a sparkle to your eyes. And remember action leads to making things happen. It can happen faster than you think!

If you're serious about wanting to find love, do what ever it takes – go to workshops, events, have coaching or therapy etc. It’s worth it to find love and that wonderful relationship which may transform your life to ultimate happiness and joy.

May you have the Happiest Christmas ever!”

Maureen X
Call 0161 406 5900, 07901 675726 0r email
maureen@wooschool.co.uk
www.wooschool.co.uk

Are you Connecting?

How are your goals going and are you becoming more attractive? Be patient… as the Guinness advert used to say – Good things come to those who wait.

For my final article I would like give you some support on connecting better with the people you meet, this in turn will improve your interactions and boost your confidence. After all now that you have your goals and you are beginning to attract the dream relationship into your life I guess you want to feel confident in your interactions.

When you talk to your best friend it’s likely your in natural rapport, you are comfortable and it just feels right. How would it be if you could connect like this in your romantic relationships like when you go on a date? Well you can… by following some simple steps you can make a better connection and leave a lasting impression:

Body Language – watch how the other person is holding their body posture and mirror this slightly. For instance, if she is tilting her head then you should mirror this. Likewise if he is sat with his legs crossed taping his feet then without becoming obvious you could match this. There are many other physical aspects we could be in rapport with; these also include speed of blinking, depth of breathing and how often you smile!

Our Words – the language we use is very personal to us, our words and how we say them can be matched to create rapport. When talking to somebody you may use their power words, those words they seem to say often and especially with enthusiasm. Matching how the other person talk is also a great way to connect. If they speak slower than you then I suggest you slow down a little and visa versa for fast talkers.

Listen Carefully – nothing is more annoying when somebody doesn’t listen, if you truly want to build rapport then I suggest you listen to the other person like they were the only person in your life at that time that mattered to you. When you listen you show the other person you are interested – this will make them more interested in you. Remember, we were born with 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason!

I hope the 3 blogs have been of interest to you and that they help you in your relationships. Thank you to Shilpa for inviting me as her guest blogger.

Best Regards,
Adam
Adam Eccleston works professionally as a confidence coach helping people achieve more in life. Visit his website for more information. www.adameccleston.com

Are you Attractive?

Welcome to my 2nd guest blog for Shilpa at mistry Marketing & Events, I hope you enjoyed my 1st blog on setting relationship goals. This weeks blog follows on perfectly from setting goals, however if relationship goals aren’t for you then that’s OK because if you’re an attractive person you might not need them…

So, are you an attractive person? I guessing right now your thinking; I am a good looking, are my teeth white enough, do I have a nice smile and am I really sexy? Well stop right there because I am not referring to how good you look in a pair of speedo shorts or a silky dress!

Being attractive as a person is all about attracting all the things and in this case the right person into your life. I believe that you simply cannot go chasing after the person you want even if you have set your relationship goals. The benefit to defining the perfect relationship for yourself is that your sub-conscious mind knows what you want. The subconscious mind is our personal servant, it responds to what we tell it – even more so it can attract the ideal relationships you choose to focus on. How this all works is beyond the scope of this blog, but if your curious I would recommend you read up on the law of attractive or the power of the sub-conscious mind.

The key to attracting the perfect partner is knowing the type of person and relationship you really want and focusing on that all day. By focusing on what you do want all day, you simply begin to set the momentum of attracting the circumstances you want. But remember you get what you focus on all day, so don’t focus on the fact that you are single or are unhappy about your relationships. Instead stay focused on what you do want and act as if your have this already.
Be appreciative of all the good things you have in your life right now and find as many ways to feel good about yourself. When you feel good – you allow your dreams and goals to manifest in your life!

To keep all this simple I offer you the following action steps to becoming an attractive person:
1. Follow blog 1 and define what you really want.
2. Stop focusing on what you don’t have.
3. Start to appreciate what you do have.
4. Act as if you already have your perfect relationship – feel good!
5. Be an attractive person and allow the perfect partner to find you.

Best Regards,
Adam
Adam Eccleston works professionally as a confidence coach helping people achieve more in life. Visit his website for more information. www.adameccleston.com

Relationship Goals

I would like to thank Shilpa for inviting me onto her blog for a series of short articles that will help you envision and attract your perfect soul mate. This is a new area for me as my usual role as a coach involves helping people and businesses set exciting goals and supporting them to develop the confidence to achieve them.
Goal setting is applied by most successful people and businesses because it allows them to be clear about what hey actually want and then set a plan towards achieving it. It’s no different in finding your perfect relationship. But what exactly does that person look like and what specific characteristics are you looking for in your perfect partner?

The main reason I recommend you take the time to set a relationship goal is because you will have defined your perfect relationship, isn’t that what you want? Or are you willing to settle for 2nd best and maybe a person who isn’t right for you. By setting yourself a clear goal you are making a choice to take control of your life and the people you attract into it.

How to set relationship goal:
By following the SMART goal setting process you can set relationships goals that define who you want, why you want that person, as well as setting a plan of action around achieving your goal.

1. Specifically describe the person you want: how do they look, how old are they, where do they come from, what job do they have, what is there attitude to life, what values do they have, what is so special about this person? What other things are you wanting in this person?

2. Don’t be afraid to add a measure to this goal. Things such as age, annual salary, number of children or ex-partners etc are all things you can measure that may be important to you.

3. The goal should be appropriate and there should be a very good reason you want it. Create a list of as many reason why having this person in your life is important to you and how this will make you feel. When you achieve this goal, will it affect anybody else in a negative way such as your children and family culture etc.

4. Be realistic! If you fancy Brad Pitt or Cheryl Cole then what is the chances of marrying them? If you feel that it is a realistic possibility, then great! Otherwise make sure the goal is possible for you, that way you can remain motivated that your goal will be achieved.

5. When would you realistically like to have met this person? Set a time to this goal that is realistic and takes into consideration all the other things happening in your life right now.

6. All goals should be written down. Don’t just think it – ink it, as this ensures you have fully digested and understood who you are asking for. The goal should also be stated in the present tense as if you have already achieved it.

Relationship Goal Example
Today is Oct 29th 2012 and I am married to the woman of my dreams who has blonde hair, blue eyes, is 5’10” tall and is a size 12. She is sexy, smart and loving. She works as a doctor helping other people and earns £50k or more.
What’s your Goal? Take action and follow the steps above.
In my next article we’ll look at how to be more attractive so that you can meet that special one. Happy goal setting.

Adam

Adam Eccleston works professionally as a confidence coach helping people achieve more in life. Visit his website for more information. www.adameccleston.com

Is Compatibility the Key to Finding Love?

Helen Fisher author of “Why Him? Why Her?” devised a compatibility test which has been tried and tested by thousands if not millions for dating site(s). Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist and has identified 4 broad personality styles associated with different chemical systems in the brain. She calls the 4 broad personality types as the Explorer, the Builder, the Negotiator and the Director.

The Explorer – risk-taker and impulsive
The explorer wants somebody who goes adventuring with them. There are a lot of ways to explore, but they want someone to share it with.

The Builder – cautious and loyal
The builder is looking for help mates’, somebody who can help them build their social network with them, help them build a home and family.

The Negotiator – imaginative and compassionate
The negotiator wants the soul mate: they want to know how you feel, they want to know intricacies of what they meant by what you said; they want their partners to ask them how they’re doing.

The Director – analytical and decisive
The director wants a mind mate, someone they can share ideas with.

Fisher explains that ‘I found explorers primarily go for explorers, dramatically more than any type, builders go for builders but the director goes for the negotiator and the negotiator goes for the director. It doesn’t matter whether you’re male or female.’

She acknowledges other factors play a role too like the same socio-economic background, same level of intelligence and looks, same religious values etc. Fisher explores each personality type in detail, showing you how to identify your own type as well as explaining why some types match up well, while others can prove problematic.

Why don’t you take the test at http://www.chemistry.com/whyhimwhyher/
Identify your own type and the type you’re attracted to, to find the one!

The test revealed my personality as being an Explorer, Director & Builder. So I am looking for a personality profile of someone who is an Explorer, Negotiator & Builder. So please get in touch with your results and debate whether it’s a true reflection of your personality. Good luck

On a personal note here is some Inspiration for each personality type:

The Explorer
Let us not follow where the path my lead.
Let us go instead where there is no path,
And leave a trail. Japanese Proverb

The Builder
Be faithful to that which exists now here but in yourself -
And thus make yourself indispensable. Andre Gide

The Negotiator
I remember everything simultaneously;
Like the distant beam of a distant lighthouse,
I carry the universe before me
Like an easy burden in an outstretched palm,
And in the depths, mysteriously growing, is the seed
Of what is to come. Anna Akhmatova

The Director
Only he who keeps his eyes fixed on the far horizon
will find his right road. Dag Hammar SK Jo

Are you Dating Savvy?

I am going to reveal the ins and outs of helping single professionals spice up their dating lives.

What typically gets between singles and a rewarding dating life?
I’d say the top three challenges are making the time, knowing where to find like-minded people, and protecting your personal privacy. For most people, the problem is very rarely getting a date. The problem is actually connecting with someone interesting who you’re attracted to, and who you can really have fun with.
The bar scene isn’t typically a viable option, and when it comes to online dating, there’s not enough security or personal privacy. No-one wants to be Googled or continuously emailed by people they have no interest in dating.

Why people trust me with their personal lives?
When people call me to inquire about an event or buy a ticket, it’s usually because they’ve made a decision to make a proactive change in their personal lives.

What are the most common dating mistakes you see?
Number one is putting too much pressure on your self. This happens a lot with people who don’t have a lot of connections to other singles. They meet someone and think, “I’ve got to make this work out. It could be six months before I find someone else even remotely interesting.”
The other mistake people make is repeatedly dating the same type of person and expecting different results. I always encourage my clients to open themselves up to connecting with people who have similar core values but different professions, backgrounds and interests. There is always a wide variety of interesting people to meet.

The biggest reason people use a service like mine?
It’s definitely the time factor. Not in the sense that our clients don’t have time to meet people. They do. It’s just that the last thing they want to do is waste valuable personal time making a connection with someone who isn’t exactly what he or she made themselves out to be. This way they get to see a lot of people in one night and make it easy to meet people well worth spending time with.

On a personal note:
You’re strategic and savvy in everything you do; its time to apply the same wisdom to the most important search of your life. Allow yourself to keep attending events and finding the love of your life in a strictly confidential and focused manner – eliminating the pain points involved with random, un-vetted, and disastrous blind dating.

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